Three Things I Want to Change About Myself
I figured that as I grew up, things would make more sense. I would have more wisdom and more knowledge and things would be easier to navigate. I wouldn’t care what other’s thought of me, my career would be easy, and once I hit a certain age, I would love me for me. Well, I was a little off. I’ve found it harder than ever in these last couple years to accept myself for who I am and more importantly, love myself for my faults. Writing has always been therapeutic for me, so I wanted to take a moment to blog about three things I want to change about myself.
1- Self Esteem – I doubt myself a lot. I never feel good enough and love playing the comparison game. I need to believe in myself in all aspects. I sometimes get scared that I am not a good enough photographer and I won’t make it. I sometimes get paranoid and think I said/did things when I’m out and now none of my friends like me. This doubting game of mine needs to stop because this anxiety is not even worth it. Self esteem and confidence is harder for me now than ever. I still haven’t figured out how to improve this area, and with my background in yoga and meditation I have tons of tools and resources to do this, things just haven’t clicked yet.
2- What’s in My Closet – Sorry this isn’t as serious- but I need a style makeover bad. Where are Stacy and Clinton when you need them? (If you know this reference- can we please be friends?) I feel like I’m stuck and I don’t know how to dress. I love color, patterns, and unicorns- so a lot of my clothes feel too junior. I have a lot of nice clothes that I wear when I shoot weddings and vintage pieces that are more formal- but I need new street clothes. I don’t want to dress like I’m 19, but I’m not ready to dress like my mom. I am debating trying an online styling service or making an appointment with one. If you have tried either of these, I would love to hear your results!
3- Accepting My Path – I saved the hardest for last. I sometimes regret not starting my own business sooner- but back when I graduated from college, things were different and I need to remember that. I opened the doors of Angela Divine Photography when I was 27- much later then the people I see on my scene now. I look at their Instagram and their work and their skills are beyond where mine were at that time and for some reason that makes me feel bad. I was a late bloomer. I came from a fine arts background, and although photography was something that came easy to me on a fine arts level, doing photography as a career took a long time for me. I finally have found my style and I need to accept the fact that I am where I am and I can either let it eat me up inside or embrace it.
With the exception of number two, these changes won’t be all that easy. It’s hard to work on yourself. Changing these things will lead to me living more peacefully, and when it comes down to it- that’s my ultimate goal – to be happy as I live my life. It’s not about money, being the best at my field, or getting any validation, life is what it is and I want to be happy with mine.
I share personal blog posts every week, some serious, some more light, to hopefully connect with others.
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